The Princesses and the Puppeteer
by Library.Diarrhea
Summary: Princess Prue does not to be queen, but her father dies, so she convinces the people that the king has not died yet.


Suddenly the story began! Someone had killed the British narrator and replaced him with a stuttering four year old.

There was this fucking princesses and her name was like totally Prue of Nightingale. Nightingale was the region her father King Poopy Face had governed for the past fifty years. Now her father lay on his death bed and death seemed imminent. With her mother dead and no other siblings soon Prue would be forced into queen-hoodness. This sucked because Prue hated being royal. Sure she liked telling other people what to do, and she liked eating gold, and she liked having herself painted in the nude, and she liked telling the royal guard to kill dumb bitches that offended her, and she liked randomly raising taxes on the poor and middle class… but alas she yearned for the type of freedom that comes without responsibilities.

Suddenly her father died! Damn! Fuck! Shit!

Only Prue and the doctor knew that her father was dead. Not one other soul in the hole of Nightingale knew of her father's demise. She really really really didn't want to become queen. Perhaps she wouldn't have to become queen.

Prue looked at the doctor named Phil. "Phil I have an idea."

"Tell me what it is cunt." The doctor farted and scratched a festering wound on his ass.

"Well I want to know if there is anyway at all to make it appear as if my father is still alive."

"Why in tarnations would you ever consider something like that? Are you into necrophilia? I know I am; not gay necrophilia mind you. A man has to draw the line somewhere." The doctor finished speaking and lit a tobacco pipe. He ate the pipe because it was made out of chocolate. Yummy.

The two had a long conversation. In the end they agreed to put a stick up the King's rectum so as to facilitate an upright posture. He was now King Poopy Face slash impromptu scarecrow. The doctor used some makeup on the king as well to make him appear healthy and pretty. The king smelled like dead person though.

Prue went in search of the town's circus. Once there she met with a master puppeteer. The puppeteer went by the name of Milo. Milo had run away from his family at the young age of ten. His father had been a man of the law and yet had beat both Milo and Milo's mother Judy. Milo had learned to fend for himself in a tough world… Milo had been going on and on about his backstory and Prue was pretending to cry but finally she couldn't take it.

"Shut up!" said Princess Prue. "Tell me can you do it?"

Milo thought for a moment and then gave Prue his answer.

The following day all the people of Nightingale were summoned to the king's court. Even the annoying unicorn that would often preach good Christian values was attending. Before anyone was allowed into the hall the king had already been situated at the main dining table. Secretly Milo hid in the scaffolding above the table. Brilliantly he had constructed a device capable of moving the king's limbs without notice. Using high intensity fiber optic cords he had made King Poopy Face into a human puppet. All that was left was the simulation of the king's voice but Milo had already taken care of that too. Directly under the table by the king's feet was Milo's trained parrot. The night previous he had taught the parrot several key phrases. A special string led directly to the parrot and if Milo tugged on it a specific number of times it would trigger one of the six phrases the parrot could say. Those phrases were _yes_, _no_, _next_,_ off with his head_, _ask Prue_, and _I farted_. Due to the parrot's small brain these were the only things Milo had been able to teach him.

Prue sat alongside her dead father. The doctor was also sitting at the table with them. The unicorn, named St. Picardo, was the first to approach the king. The king waved his hand in a retarded fashion and Picardo looked at him queerly.

"King Poopy Face I am honored to be here today." Said Picardo.

"Yes."

Picardo was a bit turned off with the king's shortness. Prue was a little worried but the unicorn shrugged his shoulders and continued speaking. "Well anyway I wanted to go over with you the monthly earnings and business reports for the church. I have graphs and charts I'd like to show you that illustrate the glory of God and how it is his will that I be filthy rich from the petty profiteering off of bible thumping plebians."

"Yes" the king rolled his hand as if asking for more information.

The gesture worked as Picardo continued. "Well I was wondering if you might make a decree for a special church holiday. We could tell families to get together and exchange gifts. Meanwhile we could sell nonsense items at the church that are supposed to help celebrate the holiday. Oo! We could sell candles."

"…"

"What do you think you highness?"

"Ask Prue."

Picardo furrowed his eyebrows. In a confused fashion he looked at Prue. Slowly he asked her "is there anything wrong with your father?"

"He's feeling tense" replied Prue nervously.

Suddenly the king squawked. The unicorn twisted his head around and looked dead on at the king. The king spoke once more. "Yes, I farted."

Picardo grimised. "Hmmm, yes I was wondering what that ghastly smell was." The unicorn walked away thinking the king had lost his marbles.

King Poopy Faced raised his hands in the air. "Next!"

A dirty looking man crept up to the table. "Good evening me lord. I bring news from Greenwood."

"No." replied the king. Milo slapped his head. He hadn't meant to respond that way.

"Sir?"

Milo felt the scaffolding below him give way. "Shitty!" he screamed as he and his puppet wires fell to the ground behind the king. Prue and the doctor looked back in horror were now laid a dead puppeteer. He had landed on a nice carpet too. How the hell were the maids ever going to get the blood stain out?

Without the tension of the wires keeping his hands up the king's arms fell to the table and made a loud noise. Then quite by mistake the parrot thought it felt another command. "Off with his head."

Prue turned around in a second helping of horror. The innocent civilian screamed like a little girl. His screams were quickly cut off as a ninja appeared and disappeared in less than a millisecond. It hadn't even drawn a blade and the civilian stood there confused.

He sighed. "Well I guess everything's alrigh-" he exploded quite instantly.

The body fell to the ground and next to it a worm hole appeared crossing the boundaries of space time. From the dimensional rip appeared a sexy female in mechanical hot pink armor.

"I am Vanessa Red here from the future to stop the evil zombie king Poopy Face. In the far future his rain of terror is still felt except he is a cyborge zombie." Her hand turned into a carbine exhaust cannon with a triple H targeting field. A bolt of energy erupted from her hand and the king's corpse was turned into a gooey mess. Vanessa vanished within an instant having vanquished the zombie king and stopping the time line from which she had been born. Moments after that the dead king reappeared since Vanessa had never been born and consequently never come back into the past to re-kill him. Vanessa reappeared and killed the zombie king yet again. Her body vanished into thin air. The King came back. Being fed up and confused Prue chopped her father's head off with a dinner spoon. The worm hole re-appeared. Vanessa walked through and exploded. The king was back. Prue was sipping tea and oblivious to past events. Milo fell to the ground again. The king ordered the civilian be killed and then he started humming a happy birthday tune. Vanessa Red re-appeared and killed the king again again. The ninja jumped out from behind a shadow and grabbed Vanessa keeping her from disappearing. Apparently this could stop the time paradox…


End file.
